You are ALWAYS in relationship. Even when you’re by yourself.
This is one of the biggest lessons I learned.
I’ve been in several romantic relationships. Some I chose, some I fell into, some were guided by the desire to feel wanted. I was looking to be fulfilled by something or someone outside of me. I wanted to escape from what was happening within me. I wanted to feel like someone thought I was worth loving. Although I see myself as a wonderful partner, I was bringing the qualities my partners would like the potential of but not the truth of who I fully am. The truth is I was also flawed, insecure and unsure. I thought if I was giving, nurturing and showed up how THEY wanted me to show up then I would be loved. I could hide the rest of it. My pain, my shortcomings, my shadows, my insecurities I could keep tucked away. If I did show those sides of me then I wouldn’t be loved anymore.
I learned through “painful” experiences to take responsibility for who I am and how I show up in relationship. Take responsibility for my part in those relationships “failing”, regardless of what happened to bring those relationships to an end. I radically accepted the outcomes of those relationships and took the lessons with me.
When I dove into myself and no longer hid what was true, no longer allowed my pain to sit within but be healed and fully expressed, I could bring all of me into relationship. If I love myself, all of myself, then there’s no consideration for someone loving me. I can provide that love and value for myself. I can nurture it within me.
I love me. All of me. The nurturing, giving and loving part of me. The insecurities, the pain, the mistakes and the doubts within me. That’s my truth.
When I’m guided by my inner wisdom, inner love and inner truth, then I have everything I need with no consideration for outside validation. I’m always in relationship with myself and others wherever I go. I bring all of me and stand in the truth of who I am, authentically expressed.
When we understand our relationship to ourselves we understand the relationship to everything around us.
Love yourself up. Do what you have to do to be with yourself in a radical way that shifts who you are so you can be whole and complete for yourself. The relationship you cultivate with yourself will reflect the relationships outside of you.
© David Medina
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